I've just been an extra on the set of the Capitol in the film of The Hunger Games!
Nah. I'm lying. Though perhaps I was wearing a tad too much Mac Fix to fill the cracks - facial - and I do have this attention seeking menopausal ginger asymmetrical haircut.
But that's how it felt when I emerged from the excitement of the hunger games - bit more of a kick than all your reality TV thrown together - into the foyer of Hoyts, Highpoint.
The thing is I rarely go to the cinema. I'm a bit of a hermit. Usually wait for the latest film to come out on DVD then watch it in the comfort and privacy of my own home with my finger hovering over the pause button. Wine, snacks and toilet breaks. And I also avoid interacting with the general public.
But I had this need to see The Hunger Games on the big screen. I feel a certain affinity with it, having feverishly read the trilogy a year ago and then encouraged heaps of students to read the books. Of course, everyone's reading it now there's a block buster film happening. But a couple of year 9 boys - my former students - have approached me while I've been on yard duty with their eyes shining to tell me how much they loved the film and how it did the book justice.
Anyway, it's the school holidays. How to avoid throngs of unsupervised teenagers, some of whom I'll no doubt .know.
It was a no-brainer really. Not many teenagers are going to be vying for seats at the 10 a.m. session. So I got up this morning on a mission, and there I was at the box office at 9.50.
This is the other thing. In all my years - heaps - I've never been to a cinema alone.
Anyone reading who has diabetes knows you have to plan for anything you do. Didn't want to be caught with a hypo during the film without a support person. Adjusted my basal rates to keep my blood sugar stable during the film. Thought I'd be okay but I packed the usual supplies - jelly beans, juice box and torch. Yeah, torch. Bit hard to check your blood sugar in the dark on my meter. Still, didn't fancy gripping the torch between my teeth while I pricked my finger and tried to put it on the spot.
So I was quite the adventurer this morning. My reward was a near empty cinema and a mind-blowingly good adaptation of a great book. Casting, sets, cinematography. Nothing jarred. Was almost tempted to get another ticket and watch it again.
I remained in the cinema throughout the credits and relished the experience of being the last person to leave; of having all that space to myself. Walked out in time to the triumphant music, thinking I was Katniss, the heroine.
And then, with a full bladder, I staggered, dazzled, into Highpoint horror. Teen-filled foyer; cacophony, sloping floors, ascending escalator, kids, parents, Timezone, burgers, shops, lights. The carpeted floor seemed to be tilting as I set my expression to normal, whilst listing to my left and tripping over my own feet. (I'd already checked my blood sugar, BTW. No prob there.)
Walked as fast as I could - slow motion - in my catatonic state, all along the ground floor, up the spiral stairs and along to the 'bathroom' at the other end of the complex. There, I toppled, somewhat hilariously - well, I laughed - against a tiled wall while I waited for a free stall.
You know what? Back for more next week I think. On a day off, when the kids are back at school.
The Hunger Games, and my little foray into playing solitaire, the only game in town, was awesome.